We Are Family

I'm writing a little later than usual today. The funeral was exhuasting. My BFF from high school has a HUGE family and somehow, over the course of 37 years, they've become my family in a manner of speaking.

Through weddings, holidays, funerals, birthdays and showers, we've forged and cemented a friendship that will withstand and endure any test of time. She's my dawg.

It broke my heart to watch her cry at her mother's funeral. I can honestly say that I know what she's going through. I can apply one of my mom's favorite sayings, 'I've been where you think you're going' and mean it.

Pitching in and helping out felt so normal. Part of it was because she's my friend. I realized that another part of it was it's just what I do. I can look back know over a period of 31 years with my sorority, 'service to all mankind' is how I live my life. Putting together the funeral programs until midnight, I even had my 15 year old nephew pitching in to help. Every able body person participated in the process.

Whereas Vickey is my oldest and dearest school friend, she can't say the same for me. She's maintained friendships with people as far back as kindergarten. She's that type of person. I was perplexed not to see some of those people. I think it says alot about the type of person they are.

For the Fourth of July, I spent a very somber celebration with my mother's family. My 88 year old aunt was as vibrant as ever. I found it amazing that her family was not as attentive as they could be. Maybe they think she'll be around for ever and it's o.k. to take her for granted? I treasure her. She's the last person left on earth that knew my mother as a little girl. Once she goes, that's it. All that will be left of my mother's childhood memories are secondary sources of information.

One of my last surviving uncles was also there. He and my aunt are the same age but are a lifetime apart. He used to be so robust. I watched him at the 'festivities' and he is now just a shell of his former self. I don't know if he even knew where he was most of the time. He was once a football player and he's as weak and fragile as fine crystal. I worried that he might misstep and fall.

I didn't want my mom to miss out on the celebrations this weekend so, I took flowers out to the cemetery and sat with her for awhile. I can tell I'm moving through this process. I spent time looking at the various markers trying to figure out what I wanted for her. That's a good sign of recovery for me. I'm starting to look outside my hurt and think about planning for the future.

I've complained that there would be no family reunion this summer but, looking back over the weekend, I think this was it. I just didn't know it at the time. I'm going to work on paying attention to the details more and stop looking for the bigger picture so much. I'm missing out on a lot of life.

Wanna Be Startin' Something....

Wow! I've lived a lifetime in a week. Actually, I've lived a couple of lifetimes this past week. My mother's neighbor passed away in her sleep last Thursday morning. They'd been neigbors for over 20 years. She went the way we'd hoped my mother could go; at home and asleep.

Talking to her daughter, I was informed that her heart had gone from 35% function to 15% function from one Tuesday to the next. She was slowly winding down. My brother told me he'd seen her driving just two days before.

That started my day and by early afternoon, my daughter called with news about Michael Jackson. I can't help but feel like a part of my life passed on with him. The soundtrack of my life is set to Michael Jackson music. Oh funny that for every decade of my life, there's at least a couple of Michael Jackson hits.

As if life couldn't get any crazier, my best friend from high school lost her mom Saturday night. She was 90 years old and had cancer but, in some crazy way, I think we still thought we had more time.

Baby Boomers Father's Day

At age 52, I guess I should just be happy to be able to celebrate Father's Day with my dad. It's a lot different type of celebration than it was when I was 12. First off, let me count my abundant blessings that he's still, up and about. He's mobile enough to drive to church and wherever else we're going. Additionally, he's going to travel to visit a 'friend' that lives 3,000 miles a way by himself.

I kinda fuss at him about his goings on but, secretly, I'm bursting with pride when I do my fake complaining about how he just 'rips and runs'. I lost my mom recently and although her body didn't have the strength to do a lot on her own, she could still manage. She could sneak in a 40 mile trip to her favorite gambling spot. I was in just as much in awe of her 'going ons' as his.

My mom was on dialysis, didn't drive, and had generally poor health. But, my momma could out think the best CIA agent on one of her bad days.

It doesn't surprise me that those two got together. They had a lot in common. As I visited with my dad ( a 400 rt day drive) I watched for signs of slowing down. He drives like an old man, he forgets names, there are more pill bottles around the house than I'd like to see. But, he's supposed to slow down at some point.

He did let me pay for lunch but, I noticed he picked a place that where our total bill was the price of one meal at the type of restaurant he would have taken me to eat. And at church he did what he's done since the time I was a newborn; dragged me around to everybody he knew whether they liked him or not so he could show off his 'baby girl'.

I love my dad. I love him as much as I love my mom. She taught me that they won't be around forever so, I'm learning to continue to appreciate the time I've got. As an aging baby boomer, I finally get that it won't be the forever I thought it was going to be when I was a teenager.